I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize