i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
