did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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