This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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