So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize