She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
