Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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