Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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