hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
