No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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