Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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