The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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