and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
