all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
