I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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