I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
