Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
