I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
