I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I enjoy the company of your penis
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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