you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Houston, we have a blender
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
