I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
