after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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