Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
