never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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