These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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