Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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