She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
