you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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