omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
