matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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