I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
