Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My feet surprised me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
