I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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