youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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