I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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