Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if only i could text you this smell
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
