Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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