We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
