I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my being single is dangerous.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
