He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
