as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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