did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
