You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I didn't notice because vodka
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
