Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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