the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
