It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you win again, gameday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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