I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
