Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
