I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
