Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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