if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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