paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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