If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Houston, we have a blender
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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