I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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