why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
