I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
