I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
