I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
