I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
