i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude i'm inner monologue high
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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