my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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