Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
