last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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