I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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