im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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