so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
